Pass the Salsa Please

Mr. Pete: Do you want to feel better about yourself?

Me: Of course.

Indicating the Family-sized bag of tortilla chips on the counter

Mr. Pete: I have not eaten one chip from that bag.

Me: It's a family-sized bag, of course you have. I haven't eaten these all by myself.

Mr. Pete: taking a chip from the bag This is my first chip.

Me: Man. That's a lot of chips in one week.