Is it baby time?

Yeah, if you got all jazzed up reading the title of this post...you're in trouble along with the three other people (who by the way don't know me well) who asked me today when I was going to have a baby (and one of them was a medical professional). This is an awkward question, one that is sensitive in nature, and frankly, is annoying. THREE PEOPLE asked me today. Yesterday, someone was concerned about a possible baby bump (that doesn't exist).

Miss Manners Public Service Annoucement Break: People, people this is inappropriate. DON'T ASK ANYONE IF THEY ARE PREGNANT EVERRRRRRRRRR. I remember once in the cafeteria at Xavier University, my good friend was accosted by the cafeteria worker about being pregnant. Now at 19, that's really annoying.

I have some suspicions about why people are so curious.
A) I think they really want me to experience the joys of childbearing
B) They really just want a common topic to discuss
C) They are thinking about getting pregnant and want to talk about it with me

Whatever the case may be, it makes me paranoid. I keep thinking...'maybe I am pregnant.' I'M NOT. And if it appears that I have a baby bump, it's the Adriaticos' pizza that Mr. Pete ordered that was meant to feed a frat house. Oh, and if it appears that I'm glowing, it's the morning workouts. Your cheeks would be red too if you worked out outside when it was 32 degrees. Oh, and if I seem unusually cranky, it's because so many darn people keep asking me about having a dang baby!!!!!

PS: I actually really love children but don't feel the need to disclose my baby making timeline to the public.

PPSS: If you were really excited and thought you'd see some glowing ultrasound pictures in this post...sorry if I disappointed you. Kind of.

Grocery List

My Grocery List

• brown sugar
• dish soap
• maple syrup
• flour
• cereal

Mr. Pete's Grocery List

• strawberry Qwick
• Ice cream
• Ice cream toppings
• pepperoni

Emails I Will Never Send

TO: americanvoters@lazyvoters.com
FROM: Stinky Pete
CC:
RE: Uhm vote

Dear Voters,
Once upon a time I did not vote in a presidential election when I was able to. This election was very close and resulted in some minor problems for our country (No Child Left Behind, the wars everywhere, other crazy things). I didn't vote because I didn't educate myself on the issues.

I don't want to use this opportunity to endorse the candidate I like. I'd just like to persuade you to vote. Period. Educate yourself about the issues. Our president really does make HUGE decisions that will change the fate of our nation. Check out this post at No Pasa Nada. Your vote really does matter.

Sincerely,

Stinky Pete


TO: pita@pita.org*
FROM: Mrs. Stinky Pete (your English teacher)
CC: the powers that be
RE: getting kicked out of class

Dear Disruptive Student,

Today, when you were talking about what shoes you were going to buy this weekend and I told you to be quiet, I meant it. I meant it the other five times I told you to be quiet and to sit down and to work on your classwork and to not touch her hair and to please put your chips away and to not yell in that tone of voice and to please respect school property. I mean all those things. And then, when I kicked you out of class, I didn't think it was funny. In fact, I kind of wanted to cry. See I think you teenagers are the future of our nation and it scares me that you don't take your education seriously (especially since it's free to you). I really appreciate your sense of humor but don't think I'll laugh when I get our school report card and feel really guilty that more of my students didn't pass.

Sincerely,
Mrs. Pete

PS: Bring your literature book to class tomorrow for once!

*It's either pita like the bread or the abbreviation for Pain In The Ass

TO: Fitworksgym.com
FROM: Stinky Pete
CC: My husband
RE: Gym membership

Dear Fitworks,
I know you probably don't remember me, I haven't been to the gym in over a month. I have lots of good excuses about how my dog ate my gym card and how my right pinky muscle has really been bothering me but I realize those are unacceptable. I'm really thinking I should consider cancelling my membership but can't do it out of principal. I'm one of those workout freaks who knows she will work out since she pays for the membership.

So, please be patient with me until I return. Oh, and save me the nice elliptical machine for when my pinky muscle heals up. I really like the one you can work out on without getting frozen by the fan and really close to the drinking fountain since I just had a kidney stone. That's another reason I haven't been to the gym.

Smell ya later,
Stinky Pete

TO: sweetlittleneighbors@it'sabeautifuldayintheneighborhood.com
FROM: Stinky Pete
CC:
RE: the noise

Dear Neighbor,
I really appreciate you and love you and all but please don't put your dog outside to bark starting at 5:30 AM. I still have fifteen more minutes I can sleep and I'd really love to enjoy those precious moments. So keep Fido inside until at least 6:00 AM or else....

Sincerely,
Sleepy Pete

Happy 50th Birthday Mr. Paddington Bear!

Bladder Spasm, Kisses, and The Global Financial Crisis

Wow, what a title. I just thought I couldn't ignore the kidney stone drama I've been experiencing. It's been a whole load of fun. It's been about three weeks since I had my first stone and since then I've had a double J stent and I've had a double J stent removed. The whole thing was a great way to learn about the amazing technology associated with medical advancements and to learn more about the necessity of certain pain killers. The double J stent I had was installed (a funny way of saying that) to prevent swelling after removing a kidney stone. I was glad to see her go (the stent that is) since it hurt to bend over to tie my shoes and it really hurt to deal with disrespectful teenagers. So it was gone as of 9:30 AM but she left my bladder or something in spasms. It was as if I was passing another kidney stone. So, it was more percoset for me and a nap with a heating pad. The offending doule J stent is pictured below.

Do not be deceived by the friendly looks of these suckers. They are one big pain in the....kidney.

In other news, my students are buckling under the Mrs. Pete Pressure. I've had several heart to heart conversations with students where I raise my voice to a very loud volume and use very sharp words and angry statements to convey "my heart." The results are almost instant...obedience. It's kind of rough having to get really passionate and angry to get results from students. I wouldn't do it if it didn't work. I was feeling pretty bad about being so hard on kids and demanding better results from them. Yesterday, I stayed late to get some work done. One of my more difficult female students stopped by to get some extra help and blew me some kisses for all my hard work on her way out the door. It might sound wierd but it was really funny. I think she was trying to make me laugh and show her appreciation at the same time.

And finally, I can't help but talk about the Global Financial Crisis. You really should go over to amalah and check out her hilarious commentary on said crisis. I know I'm not any kind of economic genius but I'm a little confused about all of this. If the whole WORLD is in some kind of economic crisis, can't we just decide to change the rules? I mean didn't we, as a world, make up the rules to this silly financial game? Didn't we assign values to the lumps of gold and silver we found beneath the earth's surface? Isn't it just like monopoly at this point, can't we just give everybody some more of that flimsy paper cash? I'm not naive enough to think that this isn't really complex. I'm just thinking that we as a human race created this mess and I'm just a little confused why we can't untangle it. Is it just me (or the percoset) or does this seem like an easy fix?

I'm Not Going to Lie to You

My little sister used to preface most shocking things she said with this phrase. It was the default phrase she used to convince you of her honesty. It was like saying:"I know you're not going to believe this, but it's true." So I'm not going to lie to you, this is a conversation I had with a student we'll call Mr. Miracle Boy Genius

MMBG: Uhm, Ms. Pete, I've been meaning to talk to you bout somethin
ME: I know, my colleague mentioned you'd stopped by my room
MMBG: Yeah, it's about the honors class
ME: Yeah
MMBG: Why am I in that class?
ME: Why do you think you're in that class?
MMBG: I dunno
ME: It might be because you're smart
MMBG: Oh that.
ME: Do you remember talking to me about getting into the honors class last spring?
MMBG: Yeah, see here's the thing
ME: The thing is about how you didn't fill out your last test...not one word of it
MMBG: Yeah, I've been going through some stuff.
ME: OK, so you want out of the class. It's too hard for you.
MMBG: No, it's not that. I just don't belong in there. I mean everybody follows the directions. It's like if I do something wrong, you're going to know. It's not my kinda class.
ME: So you want out? I can change your schedule. If it's too hard, I mean....
MMBG: No, I just wanted to let you know that I don't fit in
ME: No, you don't
MMBG: Alright, just wanted to let you know.
ME: I know.
MMBG: So we're cool
ME: (I have no idea what just happened) Sure
MMBG: See ya
ME: Our next conversation is going to be about the fact that you need to wear glasses.
MMBG: I've got an appointment next week.
ME: OH, OK. We'll keep me posted.
MMBG: I'm out.
ME: See ya.

See, here's what's crazy about this conversation. MMBG was in my college prep class last year and we GOT INTO IT. He didn't talk to me for ten weeks. And when he did start talking to me again, it was in one word sentences. So, this conversation is revolutionary. This is one of those kids who I think is on the bubble between making it and not making it. So I pushed him into an honors class to see what might happen and voila! I have a kid who is challenging himself, advocating for himself, communicating with adults appropriately...I mean the next step is clearly winning the Nobel Peace Prize.

I'm not going to lie to you that this is the kinda stuff that gets me all excited. Just knowing that this kids is going to be able to read the board from his seat is enough to make me bounce in my Dansko clogs. After that, the possibilities are endless. Since I'm confronted with some of societies "issues" every day, I'm constantly wondering what it takes for people to change. How do some people flourish with just an ounce of extra attention while other crumble under the umbrella of social services they receive? If this kid makes it through this quarter, who says he'll make it through the year? Who will undo all the work I do to "save" this one kid?